Adolescence is a stage of discovery, of change, of decision-making, of awakening to the world through the eyes of a child who, little by little, is becoming a responsible adult.
This is a complex stage because personality is still being formed , and significant changes take place within the context of the school.
Adolescence: the (hard) way to go
In psychological counseling, complaints are often made by parents. Irritable teens, who do not meet established standards , who form dangerous friendships and who have academic problems.
From a parental position, adolescence is often described as a time of many fights, confrontations, and disputes, to the point where the situation can become completely unbearable. What to do when staying at home with teenagers? Is there a guide for parents in distress?
Tips for a good coexistence with teenage children
There is a solution to problems, and although adolescence is a complex age, everything can come to an end if the appropriate educational seeds are sown.
So we offer you some advice, both educational and communicative , that can help you enjoy your children’s teenage years more.
1. Let Them Explore the World
Young people need to define many aspects of their lives: their personality, their friendships, their preferences … This is something common, and we must understand that they can be inconsistent in their opinions and tastes . This is how they try and decide; The way they can ultimately decide.
Just as adults need time to buy, a teenage son tries to make the best decisions, only that he is just beginning to do so, to discover himself and develop that skill. It takes time to do .
2. Let’s Listen Honestly
We must teach (and encourage) adolescent children to express their thoughts and feelings . For this, the most important thing is that we listen to them without judging, criticizing or humiliating them.
Young people usually don’t talk properly with their parents because they don’t know how to listen to them and see them as a threat, as adults who only want to correct and punish them. But we must remember that when a young person comes to talk to us because he really needs it, he needs to listen, and the worst thing we do is lecture them and judge them negatively. If we want our children to trust us, we must offer our sincere help when needed, to show that we are a loyal supporter. Anyway, it is not convenient that we solve their problems: doing this ourselves will make them more responsible .
3. Accept your norms and your decisions
If they are decisions that won’t hurt you, let them choose . This point is very difficult for many parents, as they are used to judging their children and clearly always decide what is best for them.
This is the moment when they have to make their own decisions, even if these decisions are contrary to our taste or way of thinking. Most common examples: how to dress, what music they listen to, physical appearance, among others. They are aspects of his life in which we may try to impress with the left hand, but never impose our criteria .
4. Let Them Make Mistakes: Mistakes Can Be Learned Too
As adults, we know that our teenage children must experience the good and bad things of life, in pursuit of their learning and mathematical development. We cannot lock our children in a glass bubble, we must let them grow . That is, we must let them think, reflect, act and of course make mistakes, because mistakes allow them to mature. Phrases such as: “I told you so” … “I won’t cry, I warned you” and other similar possibilities are the chances that the child feels that he has a right to make mistakes, how he makes mistakes. Learn to make your own decisions without doing.
We must keep in mind: We also feel the fear of being wrong as a parent and above all. Certainly during our life we have made many mistakes, these allowed us to mature and grow, and our family members forget the bad times. Now, the teen may feel the fear of being an adult in his own body, but it’s comforting to know that his parents love him despite his mistakes. Let’s support them, guide them, and teach them to take consequences when they are wrong .
5. Learn to Apologize If We Made a Mistake
Continuous example is the best way to teach. If we as parents make a mistake, it is best that we apologize and correct , the most important maturity pattern that can be taught to a child.
Possibly at this stage of adolescence, when children begin to notice their parents’ mistakes, adults are usually more easily irritable, as our children no longer think, analyze, compare, make decisions. and, as a result, are made into an idea or criticism of the environment, also of our abilities as parents. Unfortunately, many adults expect and demand that our children apologize when they make a mistake, but we, as adults, rarely do so. We are afraid to show ourselves weak in front of them. However, apologizing is an act of maturity and courage, and it is not true that we are losing credibility or power in front of our children. Quite the contrary: we will receive your respect and admiration .
6. We Don’t Respond to Our Failures
Many parents, consciously or unintentionally, want to prevent their children from making the same mistakes they did in the past, even fearing they rebelled when they were young .
We must overcome our fears and stop harboring our fears and longings. Our children are building their own personality and their own way; We should be there to support and help them .
7. Let’s Be Brave: Help Whoever You Want to Be
Being children can be one of the most profound experiences we can have as human beings. Our role as parents is to make them authentic, independent and successful beings , autonomous people who know how to carve their own way to a fulfilling and happy life.
Of course, we should not try to make our teenage children copies of themselves: let’s give them the necessary tools to develop and let them choose their own path , both academically, work, love … as in any other aspect.
some final thoughts
When boundaries and discipline are established from early childhood, an environment of trust and respect is created, autonomy and trust are fostered, and the prerequisites are provided for children to progress successfully to a new stage: Adolescence. While it is true that parents are very afraid of the approaching of this critical stage in their children—sometimes there are more in parents than in a single young person—, the reality is that it is usually without major difficulties. crosses over .
Unfortunately, on many occasions it is during this stage when the adolescent clearly articulates a series of shortcomings that he was not given to in his childhood. As a consequence, parents commonly use a smokescreen as a “teenage” to avoid reflection or attend to all that we’ve been letting go of. Of course, it is in this area that parents “suffer”, and therefore it is necessary to have some tools to know how to cope with the changes.
We hope these tips are useful for you to enjoy the “awakening to the world” phase. This task is not easy, without a doubt man is the only suitable company for brave people : it is necessary to constantly review our way of educating and correcting certain methods if necessary. The important thing is that we are still on time, we just have to have good will.
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