Emotional education is a big mistake in our education system. But, as parents, we are not paying enough attention to the proper development of the emotional aspect of our childrens.
To help them find and elevate their feelings to be able to start off with a good foothold in this company, I’ve given myself permission to write this practical guide.
1. A Shared Obligation
Parents, teachers, who are both at the same time, and all adults without exception are responsible for children receiving the emotional education they deserve, so they can have good emotional intelligence and balanced personality. But, as is logical, the adult who suffers from erroneous concepts on this subject will not be able to provide proper education and -involuntarily- may contribute a negative impression to the good that he intended.
2. There are no negative emotions
From the outset, it is fundamental to be clear that the distinction between negative emotions and positive emotions is wrong. All emotions are useful for the individual existence of the child. What we have to teach the child is that, in the face of emotion, there are positive reactions and concrete behaviors that are negative for society and can cause problems.
3. Emotional Maturity in Stages
A more fundamental concept is that the child’s emotional maturity grows in successive stages, from birth to the majority of emotional age, as it becomes the master of brain functions. The treatment of your feelings must be appropriate, then, at each stage of your development or we run the risk of unintentionally harming you – or at the very least – wasting unreasonable efforts.
By six months the child only obeys to sensory and motor stimuli (spontaneous basis) and is not aware of their feelings. From this age you can begin to set aside your basic feelings with the help of adults. By the age of three, he is not in a position to change his behavior in a stable manner based on emotions (innate ability). And until he enters the operational phase at about six years of age, he “uses reason” for his behavior. Can’t implement and learn to work as a team. From this age, he learns to recognize and name the core emotions he experiences and can reflect on them and subdue them with self-control. But good handling of derived feelings and emotions will not be able to achieve this for ten or eleven years. And the maturity to know the consequences of one’s actions and the ability to plan with a vision of the future usually does not come before the age of sixteen: the majority of the emotional age.
4. Not Enough With Love
A very frequent mistake is to think that if we give children love and protection, their emotional intelligence will necessarily result. , Love and protection are of course essential. But they are not enough. They should be accompanied by a balanced emotional education. If the parent proceeds with an excess of permissiveness, is authoritarian and too severe, or is uncontrollable and unpredictable, the emotional damage can seriously affect the personality of the future adult, regardless of the love received.
5. How to know if a child has emotional problems?
Finding out that a child has problems with their emotional learning is very easy . A healthy child is restless, impatient, noisy, spontaneous, playful, inquisitive, creative, social, trusting with peers and with adults… A lack of any of these characteristics will need to be analyzed as a potential emotional Can create alerts for problems. We have to find out what core feelings the child is overwhelmed by and provide him with appropriate support.
6. How to Deal with Your Fears
Let’s start with fear. Possible fears in a child have many causes: being alone, being abandoned, being a nuisance, being rejected, not being able to feed, darkening, chills, overheating, inattention to nature, being sick, strangers, To authoritarian or hostile people, to make the mistake of discussing dad and mom… the solution is to put your defenses firmly in place.
Physical protection against diseases, hunger, and physical dangers of all kinds. And the security is tight. It is necessary for parents to repeat as many times as they want before they are born, that they want it to be as it is and that it will always want it. If the child misbehaves, we will say that we do not like him, but he wants to without any doubts or objections. As paranormal educational psychologist Rebecca Wilde puts it: “If the child feels good, he doesn’t behave badly”.
7. How to Cure Your Tantrums
The anger continues. A child immersed in a tantrum can display fantastic energy. The reasons for a tantrum can also be many: they have denied a wish or a denial, they have taken away a toy, they have “wrongfully” reprimanded it, they do not listen to it or they do not listen to it. Admits, they have beaten her or humiliated her she is not able to defend herself… The support the child needs here is understanding.
To clearly show him that we understand the cause of his occultism but must learn to control him; Teach him to be less selfish and learn how to share his stuff; that we should make a habit of tolerating some disappointments in life; We have to look for new inspirations and new expectations and not give up; We must defend ourselves against injustice calmly and peacefully; That we should avoid the dangers in a preventive way…
8. How to Heal Your Grief
Another basic emotion is suffering . to have lost a toy, a favorite object, a pet or a loved one; not to be with friends; In order for the children around him not to have the same thing; For a lost father and mother…the perfect support is consolation. Show empathy for their loss, be our companion in their pain, help them cope with their loss, support them with distractions such as sports and new inspiration.
9. Power of Games
Play is a spontaneous activity in the child and, therefore, should be the child’s preferred distraction against evil instincts. All academics and psychologists agree on the physical, physical, emotional, social, and cognitive benefits of team games.
10. How to Cure Your Shyness
One of the most damaging potential consequences is feelings of shame. Shame for being too big or too small; to become fat or thin; to be apart; for physical problems or disabilities; don’t understand what they are talking about; not knowing how to express; to do something wrong; To face physical or sexual abuse… the best help to overcome shyness is to boost their self-esteem.
Repeat as many times as necessary that each person is as unique and worth as that person. Teach him to correct his problems or faults without stress. Help her to recognize and correct her mistakes. Teach him to socialize and have friends who suit him. Gain their trust by sharing with us about potential physical or sexual abuse.
11. Loss of Self-Esteem
We should avoid by all means so that the child loses self-esteem. Because it means that the child conveys that he is worthless and worthless; He doesn’t deserve to be loved; It is natural that they ignore or despise him; It is logical that they make fun of him and humiliate him.
As a result of the lack of self-esteem in children and adolescents, we will have people with behavioral disorders in adulthood. If a passive reaction has occurred, the adult will show severe affective dependence; fear of having an intimate relationship; fear of speaking and being seen in public; a pathogenic vulnerability; an inferiority complex. If there has been an aggressive reaction, the adult will show a strong tendency towards tyranny, despotism, cruelty, egotistical promiscuity, an exaggerated shield of false defenses.
13. Emotional Wounds
It is proved that caring people apply severe punishment with coldness and possessiveness, without affection for children, they can cause personality disorders in future adults: fanaticism for orders, compulsive obsessive behavior, pathological Insecurity, sick perfectionism.
As Canadian author Lise Bourbeau tells us, there are five major emotional wounds that often leave their mark on a child’s future: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice. The main motivation of parents to try by all means to protect their children from these five emotional wounds, maybe the memory of suffering them in childhood.
14. Against the spirit of renunciation
The child can support a prolonged absence from his parents if he has irrefutable evidence that they love him and the people who care for his look forward to repeated memory and reunion.
15. We’re All Kids
In order to facilitate an understanding of the child’s feelings and behavior, it is important to remember that we were also children and the child that lived within us. We must recover it so that we can be good friends of our children. With love, balance, security, understanding, trust, consolation, adequate reward and punishment systems and cultivating our self-esteem, we will ensure that our children, our grandchildren, the children of our society all have emotional intelligence, to which they are entitled.