Raising a child is something that is beautiful to most people, but it certainly isn’t easy. At the end of the day we are talking about being completely vulnerable and dependent with many needs that we must be able to supply, and that at least initially not being able to express them in a specific way That is, often crying is the only way to communicate their needs or the existence of discomfort or the absence of some sort (such as hunger or desire to be contacted) they are aware of.
Every child has their own way of being, their own temperament: there are people who cry more or less, are more anxious or fearful, are more active, and more sleepy. And some of them are particularly in demand, which is why some authors have come to propose the term children in high demand to nominate them .
|What They Are in High Demand for Babies, and Parenting Advice
What is a high-demand baby?
They are perceived by babies as the high demands that boys and girls require and are asked for attention in a sustained manner, crying frequently and waking up from sleep more often than usual. This word was coined by William Sayers in view of the behavior of one of his daughters.
Apart from the above characteristics, there are many others that are defining. Among them is the fact that they are usually not able to self-soothe and there is a high level of suffering in the face of the isolation of their caregivers, who are absorbed and who need care. Likewise, they usually require constant physical contact. Usually, these babies often want to suck, which gives them a lot of comforts.
They often have a certain level of sensory hypersensitivity, in such a way that they capture stimuli coming from different senses more intensely. In addition, they are usually awake and attentive children, slightly hyperactive (not in the sense of disorder, but in one of excessive alertness and shifting). In addition, in many cases, a high level of curiosity, sociability, and creativity can be observed, as well as a high motivation ability. And that’s one of the characteristics that they have, there is a high level of stubbornness and energy in what they do. It is also common for them to appear muscular and tense. For a child to be considered in high demand, it is necessary that at least these characteristics are met.
Finally, although it is not somewhat defined, the truth is that many of these infants have high cognitive abilities and sometimes a certain level of speed, and learn earlier and more easily than others. In other words, these are intelligent children whose initial characteristics (though not necessarily, depending on how they are managed) are developing towards skills and abilities and are highly valued in adulthood.
In fact, a high percentage of children with gifts are small infants of high demand or have similar characteristics. Of course, this does not mean that the relationship is bidirectional: not all or most of the children with high demands will be gifted.
a very important question
Regardless of the characteristics of such a child, it is necessary to highlight one fact. We are talking about babies who have normal characteristics, but we are not dealing with babies who present any kind of pathology per se. Of course, it is possible that the cause of a baby’s crying is due to pain caused by some kind of deformity and this will make them end up seeking more help.
beware of expectations
It is often assumed that the high demand for these babies is one factor entirely due to the way the baby is born. However, the fact to consider whether a child is or is not in high demand often stems from a parent’s opinion or expectations. It is necessary to keep in mind that each of us has an image or expectation of when and how the child should need us, expectations that should not be realistic.
If for example, a baby cries every night at four in the morning it is not because it is particularly demanding, but rather that we are talking about habitual behavior in all or almost all babies. All babies ask for attention, cry and have different frustrations and complex behaviors that we often don’t understand.
In addition to this, we also need to keep in mind that in some cases the presence of high demand may be due to the fact that we are not able to understand the needs of our child. It’s not that we’re bad parents, but there’s a potential imperfection in our child’s way of being that makes it difficult for us to respond with the kind of excitement and affection that the child needs .
some guidelines for action
High demand is characteristic of babies, which, as we have said, require constant attention from parents. The high demands of these children can be confusing and create uncertainty about what to do with many parents. That’s why it doesn’t hurt to offer some brief guidelines of action.
The first thing to keep in mind is that the child with high demands is a vulnerable one who is expressing a genuine need, something being done unconsciously on their part and this is not a way to manipulate us or get something from us.
Although there is controversy as to whether they should respond to their search for a contact, the fact remains that it has been shown that responding to them leads them to think that the world is a safe place and that they have Have high self-esteem and the ability to defend their rights. It is important that the child feels loved and learns to recognize positive emotions. Similarly, we should also work on our feelings.
In addition, it is important to keep in mind that we do not have to feel guilty for their crying. Usually, the reason for these will not be anything that we have done or failed to do, but simply the manifestation of some of their feelings or the emergence of some needs.
As we’ve said, these babies are moved and curious, so the excitement can get a lot of attention. But they are also highly sensitive to it, so we should try to keep an eye on the stimuli that they come across. It will be helpful to calm them down when there is unexpected noise, such as a loud noise. Showing a calm demeanor in front of them, and even before their demands for attention, can serve as an example and comfort them.
Something that may seem logical, but that can go around many parents’ heads and cause doubt is the fact that it is also normal to feel overwhelmed. A very important aspect that we have to work on is to take care of ourselves and do some enjoyable activity without being over the baby from time to time. We are a no worse parent or mother for wishing for a moment of peace, and there are going to be times when we need outside help (for example, from a grandparent or uncle) to reduce stress levels. maybe required.
Criticism of this sect
The idea of what is a child of high demand and the fact of classifying it generates many criticisms on a general level. And that although it is true that children with such temperaments are more demanding than others, labeling them may be considered as a way to (although this is not what the category claims) behaviors that are Otherwise normal in a child who depends on parental care for survival.
Another criticism of this category is that there is no boundary between what is and isn’t a child in high demand: any of us may consider that our son is hypnotic, absorbed and of course, he is then. Seeking from when he doesn’t set a clear time frame or frequency that is different from the other child. That is, it is possible to find out whether the child is demanding, but not so much in determining where the limit will be.